Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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