fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
