So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
