so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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