yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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