We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
