He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I want is dick and wine.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
