Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
