I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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