My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
