I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
