Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
