Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
