By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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