I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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