I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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