no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
