Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if only i could text you this smell
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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