there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
