Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
