wat bout pragnant strippers??
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
