I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
