I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
