So drunk its hurt
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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