I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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