Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
