It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
