i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
