my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
