Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
