5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
