do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
