"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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