Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
