I bet he comes in French.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
