She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
