is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
