CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
