So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
