Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
