i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
