i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
