Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
