you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
