i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
