like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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