Who did Billy Mays play for?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We have started to decorate penises.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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