even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
