I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
