after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
