HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
