I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
