thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
