this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
