you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
