Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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