im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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